So drunk its hurt
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You've changed since you got that strap on
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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