:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
