It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
