Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
