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I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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