I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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