every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
