the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
