I'm pants shitting drunk right now
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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