I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
