I'm gonna have a badass scar
I can text with my tongue
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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