Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i dont even know how to be here
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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