I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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