She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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