I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
