Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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