did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
