It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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