All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
