I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
