Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
