You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
