you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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