I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
