woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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