no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
