it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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