i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
