my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
