its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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