Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My Higher Power is John Stamos
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
