I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
