Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
