Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
