Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
