i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just want nice things and good sex
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
