I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
