Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
