You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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