im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
