He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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