It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
