I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
