my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
