just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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