My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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