Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
