Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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