We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
