this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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