Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Randomize
